Inspirational moments

It doesn't take much to remind me that I'm not what I thought I'd be. I struggle to connect daily happenings to the vast dreams I've had for what life would look like as a whole. Those "happenings" are turning the pages of my weeks and months and years, making me older and seemingly more tired than I was before. Recharging, regrouping, reassessing, rearranging, reorganizing - there has to be a word for what I need. I need to be okay with where I'm at in life, and balanced between work and rest so that things stay put where they belong. Where's the instruction book? When would I find the time to read it, if I had it?


I journaled the other day about my goldfish. I LOVE this fish. He was a gift from Steve, complete with tank and filter. He's not the narrow orange kind, he's the chunky silver kind, with orange splotches. And he's been raised from the dead - but that's another story entirely. Anyway, I was enjoying a quiet evening at home, in my favorite chair, next to my fish. I was noticing how in the 9 months I've had him, he's gotten bigger - his tail is longer, his body chunkier, and his eyes bigger. I can see his scales more clearly. This got me thinking about how growth happens, how we move from one thing to another seamlessly, naturally. Here's what I wrote:

"Change is built right into us. So why have I spent so much of my life trying to define myself? I will change."

For the better, I want that change. I can see all these parts me where I grew into something I know should go back to the way it was - or at least get back on the path it was on. An extra limb, in a way. How did that get there? It's a shame that we don't notice sooner with some of that stuff - call it sin - so that we can save ourselves a painful amputation.

"Every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit." (1 John 15:2b)

Eesh. Pruning.

I suppose we should expect it though. The best vineyards are pruned and cared for, cut back so they can grow more, produce better, become what they could be.

But seriously - as much as we think we know ourselves to be one thing or another, change can take place. I used to gag over peppers. They don't bother me now. My hair used to be blonde when I was a kid. (My hairdresser recently informed me that people's hair changes every seven years - color, texture, whatever.)

Regeneration?

"Re*gen`er*a"tion\ (-?"sh?n), n. [L. regeneratio: cf. F. r['e]g['e]neration.]

1. The act of regenerating, or the state of being regenerated.
2. (Theol.) The entering into a new spiritual life; the act of becoming, or of being made, Christian; that change by which holy affectations and purposes are substituted for the opposite motives in the heart. He saved us by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost. --Tit. iii. 5.
3. (Biol.) The reproduction of a part which has been removed or destroyed; re-formation; -- a process especially characteristic of a many of the lower animals; as, the regeneration of lost feelers, limbs, and claws by spiders and crabs.
4. (Physiol.) (a) The reproduction or renewal of tissues, cells, etc., which have been used up and destroyed by the ordinary processes of life; as, the continual regeneration of the epithelial cells of the body, or the regeneration of the contractile substance of muscle. (b) The union of parts which have been severed, so that they become anatomically perfect; as, the regeneration of a nerve."

- Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, © 1996, 1998 MICRA, Inc.

So, I guess, that's the word. Gotsta do some regeneration. It's happening intentionally, or unintentionally - all it took for me to start blogging again was Dena starting a new blog, and saying so. (Thanks for the inspiration, Dena.)