If I ever make a move...

I woke up sideways in my bed this morning. That's always weird. Just like when you're 5 and get all twisted up in the covers...I must have been dreaming. I WAS dreaming, just can't remember what now. I dreamed about being really really sad the other night - I woke up crying, and when I thought about what I was upset with I remembered...

In the dream I was working - as the Director of the small arts school I am in real life - and I was with some of my staff and in some interview situation or something. We were meeting a new family who wanted us to assess their daughter based on her abilities and potential. But the whole thing was so forced - between her parents and my staff everything was based on the wrong things, and even to the point where someone prayed for the girl - abrupt and awkward, and miles from anything with any power or authority. Just words for show.

Next scene, I'm outside the room and talking to my brother-in-law. He asks me what's wrong (I'm crying) and I tell him "I just want to get in God's presence and stay there - dwell there - but nothing in my life is allowing me to do that." He's like, "Huh. Welp, gotta go..." and he's out. And I woke up.

Ever since I got back from the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, MO this fall (I had been at the Onething Leadership conference) I've been changed. It's true - but just like anything else you have to remember where you've been. There are moments where I go in to worship and just long to be back there...not that THERE is truly the fulfillment, but what I'm itching for certainly can be found there. A place that you can go, day or night, in any state of mind, and sit in the presence of God. Yes, yes - someone's reading this and complaining that I haven't figure out yet that I am the very temple of the Holy Spirit. Right - but it's something else to have somewhere to go where that atmosphere is cultivated 24 hours a day with prayer, prophetic declaration from the Word, and awesome, powerful, deep music. It's a taste of the Throne Room in some way on Earth. And all you want is just to stay...forget food, forget sleep, forget everything. Just be there.

So without moving back to the midwest (if I ever go it will be Colorado, no doubt) how can I get there? Where is the room in my life for that kind of lingering? Same thing I fight every day. Too tired, too busy, too hungry, too distracted by everything else to concentrate on anything other than what I see and hear in around me. But I suppose I'm supposed to be learning something in all this?

Ironic, I think, that I have to go now. Work, you know.