I need a raise.

Certain people get paid better than I do. Many of these people are willing to make their living doing things I would rather not think about. Some of these people have to deal with other people's feces. This is why I got a job at Barnes and Noble. No crap.

Until yesterday. A certain young lad around 3.5 years in age stood on the storytime stage in my section, right there with Pooh's Hundred Acre Wood as a backdrop, and peed on the floor. And then he decided to hide behind one of the "trees" and as he walked, a turd dropped out of his shorts.

I looked at the kid. I looked at the poop. I looked back at the kid. I looked for the adult he might belong to, and spotted an elderly gentleman monitoring two little girls at the picnic tables across the room. They were eating Taco Bell, and flipping through books. I can't even begin to tell you how many things are wrong with this scenario. When the man finally came over and realized what had happened, he looked at the kid, and in a mild tone said, "You didn't go to the bathroom?" And that was it. He led the kid back to the picnic tables, where the child sat his soggy little butt down on the floor in front of the picture book wall. I looked back at the running puddle on my stage and tried not to look at the turd.

This was not part of the job description. I received no training on how to provide customer service in this situation. And believe me, I am NOT getting paid enough to deal with excrement.