Inspirational moments

It doesn't take much to remind me that I'm not what I thought I'd be. I struggle to connect daily happenings to the vast dreams I've had for what life would look like as a whole. Those "happenings" are turning the pages of my weeks and months and years, making me older and seemingly more tired than I was before. Recharging, regrouping, reassessing, rearranging, reorganizing - there has to be a word for what I need. I need to be okay with where I'm at in life, and balanced between work and rest so that things stay put where they belong. Where's the instruction book? When would I find the time to read it, if I had it?


I journaled the other day about my goldfish. I LOVE this fish. He was a gift from Steve, complete with tank and filter. He's not the narrow orange kind, he's the chunky silver kind, with orange splotches. And he's been raised from the dead - but that's another story entirely. Anyway, I was enjoying a quiet evening at home, in my favorite chair, next to my fish. I was noticing how in the 9 months I've had him, he's gotten bigger - his tail is longer, his body chunkier, and his eyes bigger. I can see his scales more clearly. This got me thinking about how growth happens, how we move from one thing to another seamlessly, naturally. Here's what I wrote:

"Change is built right into us. So why have I spent so much of my life trying to define myself? I will change."

For the better, I want that change. I can see all these parts me where I grew into something I know should go back to the way it was - or at least get back on the path it was on. An extra limb, in a way. How did that get there? It's a shame that we don't notice sooner with some of that stuff - call it sin - so that we can save ourselves a painful amputation.

"Every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit." (1 John 15:2b)

Eesh. Pruning.

I suppose we should expect it though. The best vineyards are pruned and cared for, cut back so they can grow more, produce better, become what they could be.

But seriously - as much as we think we know ourselves to be one thing or another, change can take place. I used to gag over peppers. They don't bother me now. My hair used to be blonde when I was a kid. (My hairdresser recently informed me that people's hair changes every seven years - color, texture, whatever.)

Regeneration?

"Re*gen`er*a"tion\ (-?"sh?n), n. [L. regeneratio: cf. F. r['e]g['e]neration.]

1. The act of regenerating, or the state of being regenerated.
2. (Theol.) The entering into a new spiritual life; the act of becoming, or of being made, Christian; that change by which holy affectations and purposes are substituted for the opposite motives in the heart. He saved us by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost. --Tit. iii. 5.
3. (Biol.) The reproduction of a part which has been removed or destroyed; re-formation; -- a process especially characteristic of a many of the lower animals; as, the regeneration of lost feelers, limbs, and claws by spiders and crabs.
4. (Physiol.) (a) The reproduction or renewal of tissues, cells, etc., which have been used up and destroyed by the ordinary processes of life; as, the continual regeneration of the epithelial cells of the body, or the regeneration of the contractile substance of muscle. (b) The union of parts which have been severed, so that they become anatomically perfect; as, the regeneration of a nerve."

- Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, © 1996, 1998 MICRA, Inc.

So, I guess, that's the word. Gotsta do some regeneration. It's happening intentionally, or unintentionally - all it took for me to start blogging again was Dena starting a new blog, and saying so. (Thanks for the inspiration, Dena.)

Something Else

Things I've learned from my Grandmother.

I often find myself spouting the remarkably practical wisdom of my Grandmother. So I thought I'd write some down. Maybe you'll learn something!

When you're carrying a plate, put your thumbs over the edge. I remember being halted mid-stride on the way back from the buffet line by Grandma, firmly planted in my path, grasping the opposite side of my plate and telling me to hold it correctly - not just with my palm, or with one hand - but BOTH hands on the bottom, and BOTH thumbs up and over the edge, where she could see them. This, I'm sure, has saved me from more than a few disastrous spills.

Whatever you're drinking needs to be set down on the table at least a foot from any edge. The message here is that you (or your neighbor) might accidentally knock it off with your elbow. This became quite a fun boring, post-dinner conversation game for my siblings and I...we'd enjoy the fact that Grandma, so habitual about moving things towards the CENTER of the table, would actually get up from where she was sitting to more appropriately place whatever I'd slyly moved closer to the edge. Hours of fun.

Yes, you can make dinner from what you already have on hand. Creative programming, shall we say? I used to poke fun, but now it's a daily task I take on myself - how NOT to spend money on food, when I'm sure I can come up with something at home. Grandma always did! And somehow, there was always enough for everyone to share.

Everybody loves popcorn. How many times did I arrive for dinner at Grandma's, and she'd have popcorn in a big bowl on the coffee table? Sometimes chips...but most of the time, popcorn. In fact, it wasn't a pre-dinner snack necessarily - the popcorn was available to any guest, on any occasion, all the time. And despite someones initial, "No, thank you," after a few minutes, they'd start sneaking a piece or two. Feeding anyone who comes to your house was important enough to always be prepared. I always keep the air popper handy, just in case.

Don't ride your bike in flip flops. It's just not a good idea. I did, once, and wiped out pretty seriously on my bike. When I went to see my Grandma (who had been in a bad car accident and was in the hospital at the time), expecting to give her some sympathy and get some in return, someone must have told her about the details of my accident already - I was greeted at the door with, "What in the world were you thinking, riding your bike in FLIP FLOPS?!" I got a serious talking-to about the way I'd apparently disregarded one of the basic rules of life. (She's right. I could have lost a toe.)

It's worth listening. I was chronically trying to get out of conversations with my Grandparents, their dinner guests, or whatever random Friendship Force visitor they were hosting from some random country. Stories were told, ideas thrown around, culture exchanged, history remembered, and respect gained around Grandma's table. Looking back, I wish I hadn't checked out of those talks so easily. Having traveled, studied, talked, and learned a lot since those days, I wish I'd had my head in the game and asked all the questions I could think of. I wish the same for my Grandpa, personally. It's worth asking, and it's worth listening. I always saw my Grandparents looking to expand what they understood about the world, the people in it, and life in general. And if there's one thing they were right about, it's this. Time is short!

I'm certain I'll have to make a "Part II" on this theme - my Grandma is coming to live near our family, here in Rochester. She'll be here in a matter of days, and I can't wait to set about regaining some of the time we've lost in living so far apart for the last few years.

About James and juice

Grapefruit juice ruins the taste of milk.

Listen to James:

19 So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; 20 for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. 21 Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. 22 But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; 24 for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. 25 But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does.
26 If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless. 27 Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world. (James 1:1-26)


Listen to David:

1 Have mercy upon me, O God,
According to Your lovingkindness;
According to the multitude of Your tender mercies,
Blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
And cleanse me from my sin.

3 For I acknowledge my transgressions,
And my sin is always before me.
4 Against You, You only, have I sinned,
And done this evil in Your sight—
That You may be found just when You speak,
And blameless when You judge.

5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
And in sin my mother conceived me.
6 Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts,
And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.

7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Make me hear joy and gladness,
That the bones You have broken may rejoice.
9 Hide Your face from my sins,
And blot out all my iniquities. (Psalm 51:1-9)

a clean break

Change is good, right? Stupid question. I don't think all change is good - but it IS inevitable. And our ability to flow with it when it comes determines whether or not we turn into disgruntled old farts, trying to cling to the "good old days". It's dangerous, especially when you're dealing with the God who made the seasons.

Even without trying, we change. We are victims of our environment. We are morphed into the kinds of company we keep. It seems harsh to draw firm lines in your life, and we all have said things like, "I'm not into that - so I can be around it and it doesn't affect me at all." I'm guilty of this. Problems arise, however, from actually believing we're immune to the natural processes of adaptation and acceptance. We will, with continued exposure to something, find that we don't feel as strongly for/against something we defended our right to be around in the past. Let me illustrate.

Jamie hates horror movies. They give her nightmares, and she thinks they're gross and scary. Jamie becomes friends with Angie, who she thinks is the coolest. Angie likes the thrill of being scared out of her wits, and always chooses what she knows will be the most terrifying movies to watch. Jamie, not wanting to be considered a weenie, watches whatever Angie wants to watch. Years later, Jamie will be at home in her living room, watching the latest horror movie. She doesn't remember why she used to hate them, and how she used to be so afraid of what she now thinks is a pretty exciting film genre. Her daughter, 13 year old Kelly, will later host a slumber party with a showing of "It" - selected from her mother's movie collection. Her friends will go along, even though 2 of the 5 aren't going to sleep for the rest of the weekend.

I'm not going to pass judgment on your choice of movies. My point is simply that people change. What you hate today, you may find you're not feeling so strongly against tomorrow. And this can happen unconsciously, without our awareness of how, when, or why.

Blink got me thinking about some of this stuff. How often are our thoughts really our thoughts, and not just a collection of our feelings at any given time? Can we trust our gut? Notice how often we judge someone almost instantly based on a perceived set of standards in our mind. We think the old guy in the torn jeans with messy hair on the park bench is poor. Maybe he's just not spending his money on clothes. Or maybe he just wants to take it easy after helping a friend move all morning, and hasn't showered up and changed out of his "work" clothes yet. We all do this - it's natural to learn from our experiences, and build up a repertoire of "if this, then that" assessments of people and situations. Saves time, right? We're even taught to hone this in goofy little logic activities in elementary school. Match the apple with the tree it came from, the piglet with the pig. Common sense.

What the heck do we mean by "common sense" anyway??

Perhaps we need to rethink. Or just think, period. I'm feeling compelled to take a look at some of the things I used to condemn that I don't feel so strongly about now. Some of these are legitimate dismissal of a legalistic mindset. I don't want to be in the way of the Pharisee...but on the other hand, there is right and wrong. And there is personal conviction. Do my feelings really get to determine either of those? I don't want to be so easily swayed. But I also believe in the leading of the Holy Spirit in me, which comes across suspiciously as a feeling all too often. When did faith get so foggy?

Romans 14:22
"Do you have faith? Have it to yourself before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves."

Need to ponder this some more...thoughts?

Phil Wickham

Have you, or have you not
Heard Phil Wickham??

Blink Blink

I read Blink. I highly recommend it. I loved the fact that every chapter took a different approach to the topic - which is, summed up, decision making. It is in no way a self-help book. It's definitely sociology/psychology. But don't be afraid - it's completely approachable, and even the cognitively clueless will be enlightened and not left behind.

I love how Malcolm Gladwell takes the time to explore the ins and outs of his topic - never settling on a pro-snap-judgement or pro-research-decision-making point of view. He credits and discredits both methods with various and varied examples of how people can either win or lose with these approaches - from used car salesmen in Chicago deciding who to spend their commissioned time with, to a war veteran out-witting the American forces in a military game using his experienced instinct, to the streets of the Bronx where four young policemen's perception of reality lead to unnecessary death and destruction. It's interesting. And challenging.

The mind is an incredible thing. To think that it's possible to hone your first impressions...and why that will help and hurt you depending on the situation...

Again, our only surety is that God knows what's going on. Even when we are idiots.

Run

I have, for the last two days (!) been walking. A lot. And jogging. A bit. I intend to make this habitual, but for now it's just...painful. I am vaguely achy and somewhat irritable as a result. But the fresh air is nice.

I'll let you know how I feel in another couple days...

Carbon Fibre has gone too far.

So. Cellos are made of...wood?

Traditional materials are being thrown aside, according to a recent Discovery Channel interview with some cellist who thinks it's time for a change. I don't know what he's thinking, other than to make a buck. These newly built instruments (if they can even be called that) are lighter, easier to repair, more durable in the first place, and could potentially come in colors.

Bleah.

I'll take my French 1800's baby any day. Can't speak for everyone else, but I'm sort of annoyed about the whole thing. Shame on him! Maybe I'm just a purist...

For other potentially sacrilegious information, see the Daily Planet archive.

Days I forget

Lately I can't get out of bed. I've gotten pretty good at showering, dressing, and being out the door in about 20 minutes...but I tend to forget something when I push it like that. One day I did my makeup and forgot to put on mascara. I realized it on the way to school, about the same time I realized I hadn't used deodorant. Good thing it was mid-winter, and I spent the day shivering in my classroom. Still, I felt a little self-conscious...

Today I did it again. I hit snooze until after 7am, and rushed around to get to school on time. I made my coffee and poured it into my travel mug, only to leave it sitting on the counter. Sadness!! And while I was driving, I realized I am not wearing earrings today. Honestly, I could care less about the earrings - it's the COFFEE I can't do without!

I do feel like I'm growing in this area, though - I let both of them go. I resisted the urge to be late and prepared - I decided being closer to on time was more important than me having these things I feel naked without. Priorities, I guess.

Don't worry, I did get coffee. A co-worker usually makes a pot, and shares when asked. (Thanks, Colleen!) And I'd probably have fashioned some earrings by now, but I'm all out of paper clips.

Steve's Page

You should know...

Steve has a blog!

You should visit it. I like how it looks visually, and well, it's Steve.

Help Wanted

One of the menu of options on my blogger dashboard is "Known Issues."

Known issues.

I was in a conversation yesterday about relationships, comparing notes on typical scenarios couples face. Misunderstandings, overreactions, and accusations based on personal insecurities. It seems we all have something in common - men and women alike - we don't like anyone getting too close to our "issues."

It's been brought to my attention that perhaps men are taught to hide or conceal their problems. A boy being taught it's embarrassing to cry in public, or being told to "tough it out" - both can grow up into some emotional insecurity, when not paired with appropriate outlets for that bottled emotion. I can understand the concept - it's the whole not wanting to ask anyone for directions situation. Admitting you got lost, you were wrong, you are hurting...these are the topics of many a sitcom, making light of what we all know to be true about men, in some form.

Women? We don't have ALL of those hang-ups. Certainly, we don't all like crying in public. But the problem isn't usually bottling emotion. It's just controlling who it spills out on. I, for one, am baffled at how to do this - I recently burst into tears while cooking a meal for my significant other. Tears. And lashed out a little harshly with my words, as well. I snapped. I had NO idea I felt so intensely about the culinary arts.

Obviously, it wasn't about my cooking. Upon careful inspection, I discovered that - wonder of wonders - I am afraid I will be a bad wife to a future husband if I can't feed him, and that letting my inexperience expose itself in a recipe gone wrong would spoil whatever "happy housewife" image my beau has in his mind.

Problem: There is no such image in his mind. We've talked it over since then, and really - my housewifability (?) is not on his list of attractive character traits. My cooking wasn't part of some try-out. The issue was me, and my trying to be what I thought he wanted. Instead of helping, it actually dented our relationship.

So now we know - we have a known issue on our hands. I freak out sometimes when I miss my own mark. I need to work on...well, not working so hard. Perhaps fancy cooking will never be one of my abilities. Good thing he likes mac & cheese almost as much as he likes me.

There is such beauty in relating the way God does with us. Romans 5:8 says that he shows his love for us in that "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Even with our known issues, we were worthy of this kind of extravagant love. And since we're to look at Christ for our example - especially on how to love - we have take the evidence of one another's issues as the prime time to press in. We hide because we're afraid - of being naked, or being bad chefs...and what draws us out is the sinking in of a real love. Something solid that doesn't shy away from our apparent inability to keep it together. I want to be loved that way. And I want that to be the way I love, too.

Since we do live in and among fallen people, it takes a serious shift in practice to get to that point. To have your reaction to someone else's issues be to press in, rather than to pull back - this will take some doing. Worth a try, though.

Clever.

A poem.


The Leader

Head like a big
watermelon,
frequently thumped
and still not ripe.

-Wendell Berry, from Given

"R.O.U.S.'s? I don't believe they actually exist."

Apparently, THEY DO.

A Rodent of Unusual Size was caught on film in Tanzania. Bigger than a cat. For real.

Peaches & Cream

Teaching can be hilarious. I always have a story to tell from the mouths of my students - unfortunately, not always printable. But still pretty funny.

This week I had an interaction with a 2nd grader - not one of my classroom students, but one of my private piano students. He had come to my classroom and was waiting for it to be time for his after-school lesson with me. He was talking non-stop about my 3 rabbits - Sam, Lilly, and Daisy - who live in my classroom. I had noticed that day that Daisy was pulling out chunks of her hair (evidence of a pregnancy) and had put a nesting box into the cage. Garett, my student, asked me what the box was for. I explained, and he asked something along the lines of, "How did THAT happen?" I was smirking to myself at how I'd walked into a conversation I didn't know quite how to have with this kid, when he interjected the following question: "Did they get married or something?"

We spent a few more minutes trying to clear things up, but he was really surprised to learn that in the bunny world, no one gets married.

Beat that!