thankfully yours

There might be something big happening. I have only begun to scratch at the thing. But the thing is there. With me. Moving towards me, from behind some window, or on the other side of my drinking glass. All wavy and thick, I can make out the shape of someone and hear the response they are having to the sound of my breathing. I am in need of a vacation.

On Tuesday I will leave school and not come back for 5 days. I will eat and talk with family, and think about who I have spent my time with for the past year - where I have decided my heart should go. My body? I haven't seen Colorado in some time. I haven't seen Nebraska in even longer. I am busy making a new home, in a new city. I suppose I should quit thinking of somewhere else as home, when I've lived here for four years. They said it might take a while. It has.

Distance to and from make no sense any more. To think of closeness in relationship in degrees seems like a silly thing to do. Why are humans so linear? It's unfortunate that we have brains built for time. Our spirits can't make sense of it. We are, in fact, supposed to be timeless, fixing ourselves somewhere beyond it. This life, this time, should not be home. We've forgotten.

I believe there can be seasons, even in friendship. I know a girl, and I can't get her time unless I am having a crisis. I can't bring myself to schedule an appointment two weeks in advance - I will not resolve myself to the idea that we have to do friendship like grown-ups. It sucks, but I miss her and would rather let this season go by us, without straining against it too much. Trying too hard messes things up. Instead, I know that we've gone deep in the past, and there will be no breaking the foundation we've established between us. Somehow, despite the months that have passed, I know we will eventually be sipping coffee and gesturing wildly with our hands as we catch up on life. I love her. And I won't lose her - I think I'd have to try to lose her. Real relationship rests.

Rests.

"Love suffers long and is kind;
love does not envy;
love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;
does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails..."

I Corinthians 13:4-8a